you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
