I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize