More tranny stories later!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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