i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
