I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
