He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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