weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Quick, to the slutcave!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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