I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
