I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
