my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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