Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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