Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize