im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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