dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
