the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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