May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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