he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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