Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
