I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i think i just lost a toe
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
