I met the friendliest cop last night
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
