I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
