Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He did a backflip because drugs
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