Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She is in my trunk
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
