My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i've created a new STD.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
