She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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