i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
