she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
