don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
