Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
