i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
