sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
