I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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