In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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