the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
