HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
