I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
