idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize