and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
