I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize