Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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