i think my mom watched the whole time
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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