yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
my poor anus
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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