Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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