She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so let's talk penis.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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