White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
