New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
