I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
