In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
