Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
