when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
