In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
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