Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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