oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
