Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Pants are for mortals
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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