oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
