Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize