you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
