i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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