please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
