After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
