it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
