well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize