I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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