We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
