i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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