I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
