Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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