we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
