I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
