I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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