Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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