sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
