Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
