Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
