carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
