i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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