Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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