so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I lost the right to judge tonight
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
