I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
