i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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