Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize