My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize