Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
