I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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