I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
